Misplaced Trust – Part III

When my mother and father told me they didn’t think I was being a good mother to Shantel because I worked to many hours, an argument erupted that went on for hours. I reminded them both that they were the ones who proposed to us that we all live together so they could take care of Shantel while Bill and I continued to work. I reminded them of our discussion prior to agreeing to live together where we talked about how I sometimes had to work long hours and they said that wouldn’t be a problem. I asked why it was a problem for them now, especially since Bill got home from work everyday at 4:30 and would take over the care of Shantel. I reminded my mother that when she worked, she often had to put in very long hours as well.  I don’t know if they thought I wasn’t really working all those hours or not and I didn’t really care. I knew I was working hard and that’s all that mattered. I had many opportunities to go have a drink after work with my peers, but I always declined, stating I needed to get home and see my family. When I got home, we would eat, clean up the kitchen and then I would give Shantel her bath and play or read to her in her room until it was time for her to go to bed.

As the argument went on, I reminded my parents that we were paying them very well for the care they gave Shantel. And, in addition to the weekly pay we gave them, every time I received a bonus check, I gave that to my parents because I never wanted them to feel like we were taking advantage of them in any way. My mother just cried the whole time I spoke, and my father said nothing. I could see I was getting nowhere with them so I just left and went for a long walk.

Over the next few weeks, I tried to get refocused and move past the hurt, but I couldn’t.  So, to relieve some of the tension in the house, Bill and I bought a travel trailer and began taking Shantel camping every other weekend. We did this so we could be together as our own little family, and to give my parents time alone. More on that later.

As time went on there were other things that happened that started me thinking perhaps it was time for us to go our separate ways. Imagine being so angry and hurt and still having to keep things going as a combined family. To the outside world, and to our own kids and family members not living with us, things appeared normal. But, I was beginning to feel like a visitor in my own home. My parents never said they were sorry. They just acted like nothing ever happened and went on about their business.

I began to notice my dad was getting more and more possessive of Shantel. He would buy her everything and anything she wanted. He would let her eat and drink anything she wanted, whenever she wanted it. He never told her no. When I would tell Shantel she couldn’t have something or she couldn’t do something, she would say “Pap said I could”. When I approached dad about this and asked him to stop spoiling her so much, he said “when she is with you, you can tell her what to do, but, when she is with me, I’ll do what I want”. I was livid to say the least. I reminded dad that I am Shantel’s mother. I told him it looked like he was “grooming” her to only what to be with him. He looked me straight in the eye and said “what difference does it make if you are not going to be with her enough”? This, and other actions my father took over the next few days, pushed me into a confrontation with him that I couldn’t back down from. It unleashed an anger in me that I am sure came straight from the pits of HELL and it tore our family unit apart.

The details of the things my father did are not important here, what is important is the trust I placed in my father was broken forever, and I learned for the first time in my life what real HATE was, because at that time, I hated my father for his actions. I told my parents either they could move out or we would but I would no longer live in the same house with them. They said they would move and they did. No one in our family ever really knew the reasons why we split up and I will not write about the details here. It is enough to say, my father was right all along, I should have been more careful of who I trusted.

Next:  The Long Road To Forgiveness

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Gotham Girl
    Feb 21, 2012 @ 15:27:55

    Heartbreaking…and so well written. xoxo

    Reply

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