Musical Beds

When I brought mom back to live at our house after she said she couldn’t live at the group home, I had to let her know I had already moved Bill and I back into our master bedroom, and now she would have to take the much smaller, guest room. At this point she seemed to want to be agreeable, at least about this, so I set up that room for her. I already had a queen size bed in there and a small dresser. I hung all her pictures, put all her outfits in her closet, and within a few days mom was settled in again and seemed happy to be back into our home. But, it didn’t take long for the happiness to fade.

The last stroke mom had left her a lot weaker than the previous one and even after having physical therapy at the Care Center, she still required a lot of help getting a shower, dressing, doing her hair etc. I did all these things for mom as well as administer her medications, take her to her doctor appointments and fill her prescriptions. One day, as I was helping mom get ready for one of her many appointments, she told me that now she understood why I had to have her dog, Beau, go live with my brother, Danny. She said she still missed him, and wanted to see him, but she understood it was just too much to ask to have me take care of Beau and her both. She said she just always expected me to do whatever needed to be done because “I’m her daughter and it’s my duty”. I don’t know if mom was trying to get me to say we could bring Beau back to my house, or exactly what point she was trying to make, but I hugged her and said “mom, I don’t do things out of a sense of duty for anyone, because I don’t feel a sense of duty to anyone”.  I told her I do things out of love, but sometimes I need to say when someone is asking more from me than I can give. This concept was difficult for mom to understand, and for many of my extended family members to understand as well.

Mom always told me you have to do things for your family and always stay on good terms with your family no matter what,  just because they are your family. I however, take a very different view to that. I told mom I want people in my life because they want to be there. I do not believe you have to be around anyone who doesn’t treat you with dignity and respect no matter who they are. I believe when any relationship becomes more painful to be in than to be out of, it’s perfectly OK to love that person from a distance no matter who they are, mother, father, brother, sister, daughter, or friend etc. I told mom I don’t want anyone in my life out of a sense of duty or obligation. I want them in my life because they love and respect me for who I am, period. I said I will give 100% of myself to anyone in my life as long as they don’t ask more than I can give, or expect me to change who I’ve become, because I like the woman I am. Mom said she didn’t know how I came so far away from how I was brought up. I told mom she shouldn’t ask me questions that I know she really doesn’t want to hear the answers to and perhaps we need to agree to disagree on this point and just move on. And, so we did.

The first night mom was home went well. But, on the second night, just after we all got settled into our beds for the night, I heard mom screaming for me from her room. I jumped up, ran down the hall and into her room. I turned on the light and asked mom what is the matter?  She looked at me and said “I’m hot, please turn the fan on”. I turned the fan on and went back to bed. Within thirty minutes, mom screams for me again. Again, I ran into her room to find out what she needed. She said she had to go to the restroom. I helped her out of bed and into the restroom and waited outside the hall for her. When she finished, I helped her back to bed, again. This routine went on for the next two nights. Now, Bill gets up at 3:30 a.m. to go to work and he wasn’t getting ANY sleep…and he was running low on patience as anyone would expect. So, the first weekend mom was back home with us, I went out and bought twin beds to put in her room so I could “sleep” in there with mom and be close so she didn’t have to screen and wake the whole house up every time she needed something…By now, I am beginning to wonder how much more of this I can take myself.

Next: Buying A Baby Monitor!

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. gotham girl
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 20:42:19

    I don’t even know how you took all of this!!!


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