Why Ask Why?

Often times, especially when something bad happens in our lives, people have a tendency to ask WHY? I’ve done that myself many times over the years until I realized that really wasn’t the question I needed to ask. Let me explain my theory.

When I left home at the tender age of sixteen to marry my ex-husband, all I wanted was to start my own family. I wanted to have lots of children to fill our home. I would have been completely happy being a stay at home mom taking care of my home and family. However, that wasn’t what was written in the life plan for me.

When I adopted my daughter, Katie, after five years of marriage, I was so happy and grateful to finally have a baby of my own, I settled into the thought that she would be my only child, and I was satisfied with that. Then, after eleven years of marriage, I thought I had been blessed with a true miracle when I found out I was pregnant. But, that wasn’t to be either. It turned out to be a tubal pregnancy that ruptured, causing me to have emergency surgery, and I asked WHY? Why did this happen to me?

Then, just three months after that surgery, another miracle…I was pregnant again! A second chance…but no, that ended in a miscarriage that caused me to have a complete hysterectomy at the age of twenty-eight, and ended my hopes of ever having a biological child. I was devastated beyond belief, and I asked WHY? Why did this happen to me again. Why did I ever get pregnant at all if only to lose both babies? WHY?

Later, when Bill and I met, fell in love, and married, within two years of our marriage, we found out he had to have double bypass heart surgery…and I asked WHY? Why was our happiness being disrupted like this? WHY?

When my daughter, Katie, had Shantel and decided she didn’t want to be her mother and gave her up to us for adoption…again, I questioned WHY? Why would she give up her own child, especially being adopted herself? WHY?

When Bill and I found out Shantel had cancer, again I questioned WHY?  Why did this happen to her and our family? WHY?

Each time I asked WHY something was happening to me or someone I loved, I found myself  getting depressed instead of getting answers because the question could never be answered. Over time, I came to realize what I needed to ask was WHAT DO I NEED TO HELP ME DEAL WITH  WHAT IS HAPPENING OR HAS  HAPPENED IN THE MOST PRODUCTIVE AND EFFECTIVE WAY?

I found, for me, when I would ask WHY, what I was really saying was why me and not someone else? When I meditated on that, I realized I wouldn’t wish any bad thing that happened in my life on anyone else so I needed to find a way to deal with the pain, grief, anger etc. of each situation myself, and stop asking WHY?

We all have challenges in our life, and our own “cross to carry”.  I’ve heard it said, “if we all tossed all our problems in a pile, where we could all see each other’s problems, we would race to take our own  problems back. Food for thought isn’t it?

I’ve been blessed with family and wonderful friends who are there for me when challenges come up in my life, and I always have my faith to fall back on as well. I’ve been told I am a spiritual person, I suppose I am, but what I know for sure is, asking WHY never helped me get through the rough spots in the road on my life’s journey, so WHY ASK WHY?

I’d love for you to share what’s helped you deal with your life’s challenges?

Next: Control

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gotham girl
    Apr 26, 2012 @ 17:57:27

    Your posts just keep getting better and better!! Another excellent one with so much wisdom! When you can’t talk to someone, this stuff just bottles up until it explodes. Like you, I just don’t know what I’d do without FRIENDS. They have been my salvation and having a FRISTER on top of that is icing on the cake!!! xoxo

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Apr 27, 2012 @ 03:05:03

      Thanks Frissy, as you know you were my inspiration in starting my blog in the first place… and I feel the same way about you being the icing on my cake too. Love, hugs, and always MORE! GH

      Reply

  2. Ellen Kaufman
    Apr 27, 2012 @ 00:21:31

    I am so glad you mediated on that and came up with an answer and such an intelligent one. You really are amazing and I think you shine also because you have had such a life journey. You also have an a wonderful friend, your Frister, becaused some people can go through life and they are lucky to have one close friend to be able to talk with and discuss the deepest feelings and thoughts.
    I guess I have asked why to myself with somethings that have happened in my life, but I have always been afraid to ask it outloud, because I too feel I am a spiritual person and I know God knows every thought and action in me and I just have complete trust in Him that He will see me through. Maybe it is my age and generation, but I don’t think so, because I was so outgoing and grew up in the late 50’s early 60’s and so different in my thoughts than my siblings. I guess what has also helped me besides my spiritual side was my Harvey. He has always been there and he really is my best friend.
    Your posts do make you think and that is good !! Anxiously waiting for next one.

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Apr 27, 2012 @ 03:01:49

      Thank you Aunt Ellen for your continued support in following my blog. I so appreciate your comments as they help me get to know you better as well. Yes, my Frister, has been a true friend to me and my inspiration in starting my blog. She lives in New York City and I am going to spend a week with her there in May. We don’t get enough time together, but when we do get together…Oh what fun we have! I love you. Cindy

      Reply

  3. Lucie
    Apr 28, 2012 @ 06:46:24

    Excellent! I would always ask why ……. then I became part of your family and we chatted about everything and that helped me tons. Support is everything and asking why does not change what has happened. I love the idea of asking the lord for directions on how to handle / cope with the situation.

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Apr 28, 2012 @ 12:29:06

      Thank you for your comments Lucie. I always enjoyed talking with you about things too. And, yes, as you well know, I speak with the Lord daily about everything and anything as well.

      Reply

  4. Megs
    Apr 28, 2012 @ 13:28:56

    Amen to family and FRIENDS! I would be a complete mess without the support of these people in my life. Thank you for being a part of my life! I am so very thankful for your friendship!

    Reply

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