I Don’t Want To Do This Anymore

For those of you who follow my blog, by now you all know we bought a new little dream home in April and I was so happy and filled with joy until I found out it has scorpions. I also found out I am terrified of scorpions. Now, when I say terrified, I really mean TERRIFIED!! I have never in my entire life had anything affect me in this way. I’ve lived in the beautiful Arizona desert all my life and have never, ever, even seen a scorpion in our around any home I ever lived in, until now.

I have tried everything I know to deal with this debilitating fear. We have a professional pest control company spray our home every month, we bought special sprays, crystals, powers etc. on our  own to fight of these horrible things. We’ve put down Rhino Sticky Tape, Real Kill Glue Boards all of which help, but still every time I think they are gone I find another one somewhere and the terror begins again. Then, just to set me right over what is left of the little ledge I have been standing on, and diminish what little sanity I had left to cling too… the other day, I find a huge wolf spider out in the garage. My dad used to  tell me they won’t hurt you, but I looked them up and they do pack a powerful, painful, bite of which I just don’t ever want to experience. Nor do I ever want to be stung by a scorpion or even have one anywhere near me or my family, EVER…

I hate to admit defeat, but nothing we have tried has helped reduce my stress or fears. I can’t sleep without a light on (if I sleep at all) my hair is shedding due to the stress and I have a rash all over my torso that I now have to have a dermatologist treat because it keeps coming back as soon as I finish the medication the doctors gave me to treat it…

I have come to realize that I don’t want to do this any more. I can no longer live in this constant state of trauma and debilitating fear which I now know has moved way beyond fear and developed into a full-blown phobia and I believe the first step in getting cured is to admit you have a problem and ask for help. I’ve done that now and I have enlisted the help of a licensed professional who deals with trauma and phobia’s to help me deal with this before I go over the deep end never to return again my dear friends.

I will keep you posted of my progress as I learn what I need to do to cope with all this. Just please hold good thoughts that part of my therapy will NOT include touching or holding any scorpions so I learn how to “move’ past my “fear’…if that were to happen to me, all I can say is it was nice knowing all of you and I will see you on the other side…

Stay Tuned!

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ellen Kaufman
    Jul 09, 2012 @ 19:53:09

    I am so sorry Cindy you are having so much fear and anxiety, but I would be in the same boat with you. I wish you all the luck in the world to get over it and hope the licensed pro. helps. I am sure you have sealed every nook and cranie, maybe putting a blessed statue of a particular saint in each room
    or have the priest come and bless your home to get all the evil spirits out . Anyway let us know how you do. We love you.

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Jul 09, 2012 @ 22:34:05

      Thank you Aunt Ellen for you concern. Yes, we have done all we can do to seal everything to help control this but it is now beyond our control. This struck something in ME that just won’t allow me to see this as a “reasonable fear”… it has taken over my entire life. So, now, I realize I need professional help…stay tuned! Love you too. Cindy

      Reply

  2. gotham girl
    Jul 09, 2012 @ 20:18:34

    Yeah for you to seek professional help! And don’t you know so many of us are just waiting to hear the approach the therapist takes on something of this nature! You are and will remain constantly in my thoughts that those demons will get the hell out of dodge and go terrify something else! Note I didn’t say someone else…I wouldn’t wish that on anyone! xoxoxo MORE

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Jul 09, 2012 @ 22:27:45

      I will for sure keep all my readers updated on the approach the therapist takes on this and on my progress… I am doing the best I know how to get control of this. One of my comforts is that I know I can ALWAYS count on you, Frissy, to always be in my corner. I soooooooooo love you for that and soooooooo much MORE!!! GH

      Reply

  3. Tracie Blackwell
    Jul 11, 2012 @ 13:46:19

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s too bad you can’t sue the former owners of the home (to at least cover your therapy costs) for lack of disclosure! My offer to use of my spare room is still on the table. Love you cousin — hang in there.

    Reply

    • Bill
      Jul 11, 2012 @ 23:21:18

      Thank you Tracie, I sooooo appreciate your offer but help is coming as I have an appointment tomorrow with a professional…stay tuned! Love you, Cindy

      Reply

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