Asking For Help And Helping Others

As I’ve been getting more and more into my therapy sessions and doing the “homework” my therapist instructed me to do, I find myself wondering why it took me so long to get to the point of admitting I needed help sorting out the issues in my life that were having such a negative impact on me over the years. I wonder if it is because I really thought I was handling things fine on my own or was it because I grew up in a house where you just didn’t talk about your problems, especially not to “outsiders” and certainly you would never, ever, consider going to a “so-called expert” as my father would say. No, in our family, when “issues” came up, you just kept going. You pushed through and “got over it”, because no one really wanted to hear about your problems. Probably because everyone was too busy trying to coverup and hide their own vulnerabilities and flaws and God forbid anyone should discover our weaknesses or imperfections…

I think the reason it’s difficult for me to understand why it took me so long to ask for help is because I know I am always first in line to offer my help others. I absolutely find helping others one of the most gratifying things I can do. And, if someone needs my help in any way, I never, ever, see that as a sign of weakness on their part. No, in fact, just the opposite rings true to me. I admire people who can ask for help with ease, and I am honored that they think enough of me to share their needs. However, as much as I find joy in helping others, in the past, I would never ask anyone to help me. Even when someone would offer help for different things, I would simply thank them for offering but let them know I had everything “under control” or so I thought. I am working hard now to get over that kind of thinking. Why? Because I am learning that most people do have a caring nature and want to be helpful if they can. I can’t just assume that others wouldn’t get as much pleasure out of helping someone as I do. Now, that said, I also know there is a difference between asking for help and taking advantage of someones kindness or taking someone for granted. I would never want to do that.

Looking back, I now know not asking for or accepting help from others was so wrong and it makes me sad to think of all the years that were wasted in that mind-set. What I’m learning now is it’s not only OK to ask for and let other’s help you, be that from a family member, friend, or yes, even from an expert… but in fact, asking for help when you need it can be one of the best things you can do to help yourself so you in turn can continue to help others, and after all, isn’t that what life should really be all about?

As I continue to work through my issues I will hold onto the belief that life is a journey and when we know better, we do better, and I’m getting better all the time!

Next: Laughter !

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gotham girl
    Jul 29, 2012 @ 18:42:44

    It’s so true that life is a journey, isn’t it?! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and here’s to many finding your blog to learn these lessons! Love you! More!

    Reply

  2. Karen
    Jul 29, 2012 @ 22:17:05

    I just caught up on your posts. You have always been the strong one and have been a mentor, a friend and an inspiration to me for years. If you need me to help with anything, I hope you know I would jump through hoops for you! You are an incredible person and I know you will grow stronger and even wiser through this journey.

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Jul 29, 2012 @ 22:33:17

      Thank you so very much Karen for your response and your support. Believe me, now, I know if I need help I will not hesitate to ask those who offer. I am in good hands now and well on my way to a much better me. Thank you Karen. XXOO Virginia

      Reply

  3. Tracie Blackwell
    Jul 30, 2012 @ 14:13:30

    I think the whole “not asking for help” was instilled in all of us in the family. I remember Nena telling me that she begged her parents to let her get divorced from my mom’s dad. Pop said “no one in the family would ever get divorced” so she was forced to live in a very abusive relationship. Then as I got older, we too we told to keep things to ourselves, no one needed to know about “family issues”. I don’t think our family did this on purpose, I think it was the way they were raised and no one went against family — very sad but true. I’m thinking of you and am always here if you need anything. Love ua cousin.l

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Jul 30, 2012 @ 18:55:22

      Yes, Tracie, we our families certainly had some strange ways. I’m just glad some of us were able to break out of the mold and try for “normal” Love you too and thank you for your support. Cindy

      Reply

  4. Megs
    Jul 30, 2012 @ 14:13:37

    Glad I am a part of this journey with you! Love you!!

    Reply

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