Cutting Words

What have you ever done for me? That’s the question my mother asked me this morning while I was visiting her at the care center where she lives.

When I arrived at the care center to visit my mother, she was sitting in her room looking at her phone but she couldn’t seem to remember how to pull up the phone number she wanted. I told her I would write the phone numbers she uses the most in the back of the new Highway’s Calender I bought her at the beginning of the year. I’ve written all the numbers in a tablet for her but she can’t seem to keep track of where she puts the tablet. So this morning I sat with her and transferred all the important phone numbers into her calendar and put the calendar in a basket on her night stand so hopefully she will know where it is when she needs it. When I finished, I took mom to the activity room where we sat and talked for a while. In a short time one of the other residents, Sherry, came in and joined us. Sherry asked me how I’ve been and if I had a good weekend…I told her my husband and I went hiking Saturday, church on Sunday, then just had a nice relaxing day at home…Mom decided she needed to share with Sherry that I also cook for our parish priests, and that I volunteer at Maggie’s Place during the week. Sherry went on and on about how nice that was until mom finally said “well she does everything for everybody else so she doesn’t have time to make a slot in her schedule for her mother”. I was shocked but kept calm and said “mom, you have the biggest slot in my schedule, I’m here with you three days a week, but I do have a husband and family to take care of, a house to run and other responsibilities to take care of too.” At this point my mother became very upset and said in a loud, clear, voice “Well, what have you ever done for me”?

I would like to say my mother’s cutting words were due only to her Parkinson’s, and perhaps some of it may be…,but the fact of the matter is my mother has always been that way with me. Everything is always all about mom and what she needs… she just never recognized that perhaps sometimes, just maybe once in a while, I may need something from her too… What hurts me even worse is that I just can’t believe after all these years, her words still cut through me like a knife…you would think by now I would just let it all roll off now wouldn’t you?

All I can say is I pray to be able to rise above the hurt feelings and not let it affect the way I treat her…please pray for me to accomplish that.

Stay Tuned!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gotham girl
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 18:20:41

    You’re human, so in my mind it should always hurt. BUT, you know in your heart what you’ve done for her over the years…always remember that my sweet. xoxo MORE

    Reply

  2. Ellen Kaufman
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 18:44:03

    Dearest Cindy, I am so sorry your first day of Holy Week begins that way with words being so coude. We all must carry our crosses and they seem to be unbearable at times, but we have to offer it up to the Lord. During this week when you want to spend extra time in prayer and silence offer it up for your Mom and ask God to give you the grace of patience with her. Don’t ever feel you will get over the hurt when these words are said to you, for then you won’t be human and your heart won’t be kind and caring as you are with the generous and loving ways you care for the sick, and the abused , and do all the precious things you do for your family in honor of your loving heavenly Father. I shall pray for you Cindy as I understand you and know your saddness. May you too raise up on Easter and overcome all obstacles. We shall all overcome. Happy Easter to you and your family. I love you Cindy.

    Reply

  3. ozandtuckau
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 20:17:58

    Those comments will always hurt. I have some that stick with me as well. Many years ago, I went back east to visit with my parents. My Dad also had Parkinsons. On my “vacation” I decided to paint their entire living room and texture the ceiling of that big room. Nearly at the end of the project, exhausted, I needed a slightly taller ladder. My Dad called my brother to borrow one from him, adding “You know what kind of a pain in the butt she is about this stuff.” I have forgiven it, hard to forget it though.

    Reply

  4. Bill
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 22:41:44

    I know how much you do for your mother, don’t let anyone tell you any thing else,it has to be the Parkinsons.
    Sorry this had to happen Love You
    Your Bill

    Reply

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