Redemption

Since my blog is about family and my unique perspective on motherhood, of course I’m going to share stories of my family and our lives…I think it’s a good thing to share my stories not only for my daughter, Shantel, for whom I write this blog…but also as a reminder to my readers that when you’re facing difficult times within your family…your not alone..all families have ups and downs it’s how you deal with it that matters…

In my last post, this past Monday, I shared with you how my mother hurt my feelings when I was visiting her and she suddenly got angry with me asked me what I’ve ever done for her…I asked you to pray for me that I would be able to “rise above the hurt feelings and not let it affect the way I treat her…”

When I left my mother on Monday, in tears, and with my heart in my hands, I drove straight to church for my hour of Adoration. I spent the full hour just sitting in the presence of the blessed sacrament thinking about my relationship with my mother and asking God to help me “rise above” the hurt I was feeling. I didn’t say any specific prayers like I usually do, I just asked for the spiritual guidance I needed. As I placed myself in the presence of my Lord I kept thinking why do I keep putting myself through this with my mother…no matter what I do it never seems to be enough…why can’t I just walk away from her and leave her to herself? Then this tug of war of questions/thoughts came into my mind, “do you love her?” I immediately pushed that back with “she’s my mother”…but do you love her?…I pushed back with I feel responsible for her…but do you love her? As I was contemplating those thoughts, my mind was suddenly filled with these words repeating themselves over and over…”she is your mother, treat her better than she’s treated you”.  As I drove home from church I had a new resolve to make that my mantra when dealing with my mother.

A few hours after I arrived home from church, my mother called me to tell me she spoke to my late brother, Stephen’s wife, and she and her two boys were coming to visit mom on Saturday. Mom wanted to know if I would go to the store to get some kind of Easter candy so she could give it to the boys when they came. With my new mantra ringing in my ears…I said of course I would be happy to do that for her.

Wednesday on my way to visit mom, I stopped by the store and found some nice size chocolate easter bunny’s  that I thought the boys might like. I started to get two, one for each boy, but then I decided I would buy ten so mom would have enough to also share with her roommate, staff and other residents…I also picked up a much larger chocolate bunny for mom and told her it was her Easter gift from me.

When I gave the bag of Easter goodies to mom, her face lit up as she realized she had more than she asked for and she looked up at me and said “oh thank-you Cindy, but I’m going to give this big Easter bunny to your brother, Danny, for his Easter present, he’s such a good boy and he’s coming to visit me on Easter…Then she said “your such a good daughter…what would I ever do without you…?” I simply smiled and thought to myself…I don’t know mom, but your my mother and I’m going to treat you better than you treat me…”

When my husband, Bill, came home from work he asked me how my visit with mom went. I shared the story of my visit and told him I didn’t let it get to me today and I’m really trying to not bring anything that happens between mom and I home to upset my family…Bill said he didn’t know how I tolerate the ups and downs of mom’s many moods…because he struggles with just seeing how it affects me…so I shared with Bill that I’m committed to a new resolve of treating her better than she treats me. I told him I’m trying hard to just do the best I can and not expect anything in return, because sometimes people just can’t meet our expectations. But at least for now, for this day… I’ve been redeemed in my mother’s eyes…I’ll take that and not expect anything more!

Stay Tuned!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ellen Kaufman
    Mar 28, 2013 @ 20:54:32

    It is wonderful when you have redemption and you always can get it after the fact, but it teaches you how to deal with situations. I had learned long ago you just have to overlook somethings when you know there isn’t any use of trying to talk positive or give explanations. Prayer is the only way and to sit quietly as you did the answer will always come to you.

    Reply

  2. gotham girl
    Mar 28, 2013 @ 21:19:48

    BIG, BIG message here and so POWERFUL my little grasshopper. Very very well done. xoxo MORE

    Reply

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