Time Out

I need a break from my mother so I’ve called a time out for myself.

My new mantra of “treat her better than she treats you” didn’t help me achieve the desired result I was looking for with my mother, but it did help me leave her room Monday without saying more than I already said and something I know I shouldn’t, when yet again she became angry with me because I couldn’t stay as long as she wanted me to due to other commitments I needed to keep.

I went to visit my mother Monday as usual and I noticed right away she was upset but she didn’t come right out and tell me why. I asked if she saw my brother, Danny, on Easter and she said “yes, he came but he couldn’t stay long because he had people coming to his house for Easter and he had to get home because he was cooking the meal. She said Danny stayed about an hour with her and she was glad to see him. As mom was talking to me about Danny, one of her resident friends came to her door and said good morning to me and asked if I had a nice Easter. I said I did and started telling her about the baptisms of twin girls we were invited to attend and how my family went out to lunch after the baptisms were over. I noticed mom was getting very agitated while I was speaking to her friend and I knew this was not going to be a good visit.

After mom’s friend left mom’s room, mom told me it was her shower day and her aid would be coming to take her to get her shower soon. She said “you can go to the activity room and wait there until I get my shower”. I had already been with mom for an hour and forty-five minutes so I told her I would stay with her until the aid came to take her for her shower but I couldn’t stay after that because Monday’s are my day for adoration at church, and this particular Monday was my day to cook for the priests as well. At that mom became very upset and said “since you don’t seem to have any time for me in your busy life you can just leave now”.  I sat down on mom’s bed and said “mom, why are you acting like this”? Mom said “well your always so busy but you don’t seem to care if you spend time with me or not”. I kept thinking “treat her better than she’s treating you…” but I said “who gives you more time than I do mom, who makes sure you have what you need and pays your bills and does you personal shopping… who treats you better than I do mom” Mom looked me straight in the eyes and said “the people here do”.  At this point I should have just walked out but I needed to tell her how I feel so I said “mom, no matter what I do for you it’s never enough. I have a life too and a husband, daughter, home, and interests of my own. I didn’t put you here mom, and you are not going to make me feel guilty because you are here, and it’s not my responsibility to sit here all day with you. I said, mom, your always pissed off about something and you turning into a bitter, angry, old woman. I said I am doing the best I can for you and I give you all the time I can but if that’s not good enough than perhaps you can just ask the people here that you think treat you better than I do if they will just do more for you because I’m done!

Then I got up and walked out the door. As I was leaving I heard my mother say “good-bye” but I just kept walking.

Later that afternoon the phone rang and I saw it was my mother. I didn’t answer it because I don’t want to talk to her right now. I just need a break from mom so I’m putting myself in “time out”. My mother left a voice message saying she didn’t want to let this go on and on and she had a really bad day…she wants me to call her but I can’t right now, I just can’t. I’m taking the time I need to clear my head and my heart. I’m taking time for me…perhaps next week I’ll be better prepared to deal with my mother again, but for now, I just need a “TIME OUT”!

Stay Tuned!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Aunt Ellen
    Apr 03, 2013 @ 12:15:46

    Sounds like that is a right choice!! Maybe both of you need a time out from each other. My sister sure has been through a lot through her years. I can remember when she was in nurse’s training and all her friends and family could not wait until our sister, Virginia, would come home on weekends . She was so much fun and always made us laugh and the life of the party. Maybe she has changed over the years. We all change as we get on in years,through illnesses, heartachnes, & loneliness. Time outs are good for the soul and for all relationships and should start early in them.

    Reply

  2. gotham girl
    Apr 03, 2013 @ 14:32:01

    You just stay in that TIME OUT until you’re ready to come out! xoxo More

    Reply

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