Shantel’s Letter To Katie

If you follow my blog, you may recall on 06/07/2013 a post titled Family Dynamics. In that post, I posted a response my daughter, Katie, sent to me in response to another post titled Love From A Distance. Naturally, since I mainly write my blog as a means to document our lives for my daughter, Shantel, who is blind, and would have no need for photo albums…, Shantel reads my blog although she’s never left a comment, until now.

The response my daughter, Kate sent me which is posted on my blog dated 06/07/2013, titled Family Dynamics, was very upsetting to Shantel and Shantel has been working with our therapist ever since. Our therapist suggested Shantel write a letter to Katie and have me post it on my blog. You see, our therapist believes, as I do, that people should talk about issues until there are no more issues to talk about. And, she has access to and fully supports my blog stating it is well written and a great communication tool. So, after reviewing the letter Shantel wrote to Katie with our therapist for approval, here is the letter Shantel asked me to post. For those of you who may not know my twenty year old daughter, Shantel… here she is in her own words to her biological mother, Katie. The letter is long but necessary:



I have read your response to mom’s blog post and I have some questions and comments about what you said in that response. First off I really don’t understand where you get off thinking that you can tell Mom what she can talk about on her blog. As an American citizen she has the right to talk about anybody she wants to including you. You then went on to say how you didn’t mean to give me up and if you could do it all over again Mom and Dad wouldn’t have me. How selfish could you be? Would you rather have me dead? You know as well as I know that you would not have been there for me when I was fighting cancer and all the other challenges that I have faced. I don’t even think you know all the challenges that I have had to face. You then went on to say that I have been brain washed and Mom has filled my head with lies and told me that you didn’t want me. No, she never told me you didn’t want me, you did a good job of showing me that through your actions over the years. What was I supposed to think when you didn’t show up for my surgeries or birthday parties and never stopped by to see me unless it was on your time. You then went on to say what a horrible person Mom was and how she was mean to you your whole life. If that was true, why would you give me to her? That leads me to my next point. You have always implied that you didn’t know what you were signing and Mom stole me away from you. If that was true, why haven’t you been at the police station and the court-house every day for the last eighteen years fighting to get me back? The answer to this is that you know you signed those adoption papers, nobody quilted you into it or anything. But that still doesn’t excuse the fact that you rarely came to see me growing up. And, I can’t even remember how many times you said you would do something and you never did because apparently your boyfriends and your friends were more important. An example that stands out the most to me is why you couldn’t come to my twelfth birthday party. You promised my for weeks that you would. Mom and I were so excited to see you, but on the day of the party you didn’t come or even call. You did call two days later and told me you couldn’t come because you were sick. I found out two weeks later that you were really selling drugs that day and had been pulled over for it. This is exactly why I have always felt that I was never important to you.

You also said in your response that you have proof that Mom was mean to you your whole life. I really want to see this proof. You then brought up Uncle Stephen and how you don’t want Mom talking about her own brother. Since we are on this topic why don’t we talk about what you did at his funeral. I thought it was very inappropriate that you would bring three of your friends to make fun of Mom as she was giving the eulogy. You can have disagreements with her but for you to do this at a funeral just shows how childish and selfish you are.

The last points I wanted to touch on is how you said you don’t want us talking to Marcus. The thing that pissed me off the most over the years is that every time you got mad at Mom, I wasn’t allowed to see my brother even if I had nothing to do with the disagreement between you and Mom. You have kept my brother away from me for so long that I don’t even know him anymore. And, it’s all because you and I have problems, not me and Marcus.

I would like to close this letter by saying that I hope you do change and if you do hopefully we can try once again to mend our relationship. However, if you don’t I would appreciate it if you would stay out of my life. I’m trying to move on and get over all the years of pain you have caused me and I don’t need you to pop up every once in a while and hurt me again. So you have a choice to make, what is more important to you? Your daughter? Or being right? You choose.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gotham girl
    Jul 12, 2013 @ 23:43:41

    I am so proud of Shantel and her response. There are no other words. xoxo to all of you.


    • beyondcinderella
      Jul 12, 2013 @ 23:59:22

      Thank you Frissy not only for your response to Shantel’s heartfelt letter…but also for your continued support of my blog, and our continued efforts to help Shantel through her need to validate her voice,,, XXOO MORE!!!


  2. katsbynp
    Jul 13, 2013 @ 01:24:24

    Shantel’s response was fantastic. It was very honest and heartfelt.


    • beyondcinderella
      Jul 13, 2013 @ 02:08:56

      Thank you Kathy for your support. Yes, that letter to Katie was very emotional and heartfelt for Shantel, and both my husband Bill and I are so very proud of all the thought and work she put into it.


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