Delayed Easter Dinner

I went to visit my mother at the care center today. I arrived just as she was getting ready to go to lunch. I pushed her into the dinning room where a “new” resident was sitting at the table my mother and her tablemate Joan claim to be “their table.” What an issue ensued as a result of that.

Immediately my mother wanted to know who she was and who told her she could sit at “her” table. The new lady said her name as Mary and she was lost. She said she needed to find her brother-in-law who must be walking up and down the halls looking for her. One of the dinning room workers came over and asked Mary is she would like some potato soup. She said “no, I just need to know where I am and where my brother-in-law went. She said she needed to go to a phone and call all the 800 numbers so she could find him. About that time my mother’s tablemate Joan arrived and wanted to know who this new woman was and who told her she could sit at “her” table… Mary said she didn’t know who brought her here but she just wanted to find her brother-in-law.

My heart went out to this new resident as it was very clear she was confused and afraid. That didn’t matter to my mother or Joan… No, they were both relentless in firing questions at Mary and even insisting one of the dinning room workers get a nurse or aid to get this woman away from “their” table. Joan said she wouldn’t have enough room to sit at her side of the table if a third person was sitting at “their” table. Never mind that every other table in the dinning room has four residents per table… my mother and Joan have a pecking order set up at their table and no one is going to go against the rules they have established. Joan is number one at the table because she has been at the care center longer than my mother and they laid claim to table number one right by the door. They made such a fuss about this new woman being allowed to sit at “their” table that finally one of the office workers, a Social Worker, came in and took Mary back to her room along with her lunch… Oh my, I swear, if you closed your eyes and just listened to the commotion in that dinning room about who belongs to what table… you would think you were sitting in a prison dining room…

After Mary was removed from the dinning room, Joan proceeded to tell me that the center is having a delayed Easter dinner today for lunch because apparently someone forgot to order the ham that was supposed to be served on Easter Sunday. I said “so you are all going to celebrate Easter together right now? Joan and my mother said “yes” we are celebrating Easter today and after lunch we are having a church service and a choir come to sing Easter songs to us. I just shook my head and thought to my self… “you might want to use that time to go repent for how both of you just treated the new resident, Mary..

However, I keep my thoughts to myself and sat through lunch with my mother and Joan. On the menu was ham, scalloped potatoes, green beans and a roll.


I helped my mother cut up her ham and she started eating saying how good everything tasted. However, her tablemate Joan took a couple bites of the ham and said “this ham is too thick, fatty and it’s tough… I couldn’t believe my mother when she said “oh, yes it is, and I can’t even eat it..”

I said “mom, are you kidding me, a minute ago you were diving in with both hands and saying how good everything was… she didn’t say anything but this is the look I got…


Then she put her fork down and said “I’m not going to eat that, I will just wait for desert. Lucky for her it was strawberry shortcake which is one of her favorites.


Both my mother and Joan said the desert was delicious! I was just glad to see that at least one thing good came out of that whole delayed Easter dinner that seemed to make both mom and Joan happy…

After lunch I pushed mom back to her room where she showed me her Easter stash.


I said “oh wow mom you have so much candy perhaps you can share some with the new resident, Mary…” She didn’t respond so I just smiled and said “OR NOT…!”

I decided a change of subject was in order so I asked mom if she would like to talk to her sister, my Aunt Ellen. She said she would so I called Aunt Ellen and mom had a nice chat with her  until mom got distracted about something going on in the hall and handed me the phone back. I chatted with Aunt Ellen for a few minutes and she thanked me for making the call.

This was one of those visits that reminds me that while I am frustrated with the behavior I witnessed from both my mother and Joan in their treatment of Mary, I must not judge them. I’m not in the position they are in now… and I hope I never have to be.

All I know is I’m still thinking about and feeling bad for Mary…!

Stay Tuned!




6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ellen Kaufman
    Apr 22, 2014 @ 21:56:25

    It was really good to talk with you and my sister…..I can’t believe, to be truthful I can believe those two Joan and my sister treated poor Mary like that because she was seated at their table. I guess they believe that table is theirs and they found it first….oh well at least you had a nice visit and you made your Mom happy you came and I got to talk with both of you and I felt very special…I enjoyed your visit and I would have eaten the Easter dinner… looked pretty good. Anyway, you have a nice day what’s left of it and enjoy the rest of the evening on that beautiful, comfortable sofa and chair with a nice big glass of wine and your guy…. I know I am going to as soon as my Love comes home for dinner.


  2. gotham girl
    Apr 23, 2014 @ 13:00:11

    How does a care center of that size forget to order frickin ham for Easter? Love these stories…xoxo and you!


  3. katsbynp
    Apr 25, 2014 @ 01:58:20

    Another great post. I too feel sorry for Mary. I think I can also understand the reaction of Joan and Aunt Viriginia. Amazing that they forgot to order the ham. Glad you were able to have a good visit and talk to your Aunt Ellen too. Thanks for sharing


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