Life Changes You

I went to visit my mother today at the Care Center where she lives and found her sitting in her wheel chair in the activity room, playing bingo, with a volunteer sitting beside her helping her search for the numbers on her bingo card as they were being called out. I went up to my mother and hugged her hello, and noticed her wheelchair was all decorated up for Mardi Gras, with balloons, streamers, beads etc.

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As I looked around the room, I noticed that most of the residents wheelchairs were decorated in much the same manner.

I told my mother how cute her wheelchair looked but she didn’t seem very happy about it at all. Instead, she told me that it made her scared, and that she didn’t want to be in the parade. I asked her what parade and she said the one we have to be in but I don’t want to do it. I could see that my mother was clearly upset, almost to the point of tears, about the decorations on her wheelchair, and that she thought she had to participate in a Mardi Gras parade around the care center… I reminded my mother that she doesn’t have to participate in any activities that she doesn’t want to participate in but that didn’t seem to help. She said she feels like she has to do what they want her to do… So, so, unlike her in the past…

When bingo was over, I pushed my mother back to her room and asked her to tell me why she was so upset. She put her head down and said everything scares me now. I asked her to give me an example but she just shook her head and said “everything, just everything. I just wish this whole thing was over and I didn’t have to do any of this anymore.” Then she looked out her door and said “right there is one thing that terrifies me.” I looked down the hall and saw one of those hoist, used for lifting patients that cannot move,to help them transfer from their bed to a wheelchair etc. I asked my mother why that terrifies her so much since they don’t need to use it on her, and she said it just does and I made them promise me they would never put me in that ever.”

Then she went on to tell me that she hates Donald sitting at her table in the dining room. She said he is too loud, and he just talks too much, and he makes her so nervous she just can’t stand him… You might remember Donald from a previous post. I find him very nice and even joyful…This is Donald

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The more my mother told me about how she is scared about everything, and that she doesn’t want to be around Donald anymore, and that she really just doesn’t want to “do any of this any more…” I decided I needed to speak to her nurse and see if mom could be given something to help calm her nerves.

When I took my mother to the dinning room for lunch, I got her settled in and told her I would be right back. I went to find her nurse and it just happened that mom’s doctor was there as well. I told both of them everything mom told me and how upset she became just talking about it with me…. Her doctor said she would order something for mom that would hopefully start helping her right away. I thanked her and went back to the dining room to sit with my mother.

After mom finished her lunch, I pushed her pack to her room and told her that I spoke with her doctor and she was going to order something to help calm mom’s nerves. Mom said “I hope they get it right away because I need it now.” She had such a scared look in her eyes that it really pulled at my heart. It is hard to see ANYONE get in that kind of shape. I also told my mother that she didn’t have to sit with Donald if she didn’t want to. I told her if she wanted me to ask if she could eat in the activity room, where some residents that need help eating eat, I would ask if mom could eat in there for a while until her nerves settled down. Mom said ” I don’t think I can do that because Donald will get upset and come asking me lots of questions… I told her we could just tell Donald that it isn’t personal against him but that mom just needs to have some quiet time, especially during meals, because when your nerves get upset it upsets your stomach as well… Mom just looked at me, with that same scared look, and said “I don’t know how to say or do that.” Those words, coming from my mother, the woman who was always so in control, domineering (at least in my eyes), and outspoken, when I was growing up…, gave me pause…and in that moment, I felt sorry for her, and a strong need to protect her…

I decided to stay a little longer than usual today and take my mother outside to the garden. It’s a beautiful 80 degree day and she hasn’t been outside in some time now. We sat in the garden and I told her that she doesn’t have to be scared about anything in the care center. I told her no one is going to do anything to her there and she doesn’t have to spend her days being scared and upset. I told her I would give her a few days to think about what she wants to do and if she wants me to speak to the staff and make arrangements for her to have her meals away from Donald, I would handle that for her and she wouldn’t have to say anything. I said if anyone asks you why you changed where you eat, just tell them your daughter requested it for a while… She said she would let me know and asked me when I could come back again. I told her I have an appointment with my cousin tomorrow, but I would come on Wednesday after I take Shantel to get her groceries etc… Mom agreed to that, I hugged her and left…

Stay Tuned!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gotham girl
    Feb 16, 2015 @ 23:45:29

    I remember the first time that I knew my dad was scared…I took him by myself out for a little drive to get him out of the house for mom to have some time to herself…and I really think he was having a moment that he didn’t recognize me…and I could tell he was getting more and more uptight and agitated…he finally said…I’m scared and I want to go home. And we did…it killed me to think a MAN as strong as my father could be scared… I so understand where you are coming from… Love you…xo

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Feb 17, 2015 @ 00:38:33

      I know you completely understand where I am coming from with this post Frissy, and I so love your continued love and support as I go through this journey with my mother. Love you MORE!!! XoXo

      Reply

  2. katsbynp
    Feb 17, 2015 @ 00:37:40

    I can remember that look of fear in my mom’s eyes. It was one of the hardest things I had to deal especially when my trying to reassure her didn’t help. I will keep your mom and you in my prayers. Love you.

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Feb 17, 2015 @ 00:49:40

      Thank you Kathy for your continued comments and support. I so appreciate those that have gone before me in dealing with these types of concerns with aging parents sharing their experiences that so help me deal with what I am facing in real time right now.. Love and hugs… XoXo

      Reply

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