Unmarked

I’m not one to visit gravesites of the deceased. I don’t believe they are there in the grave so I see no reason to visit the gravesite. When my father died in 2006, I took my mother to visit his grave, and she would always take flowers to place on the grave. When my mother died, in 2016, and the graveside service was over, I never went back to visit her gravesite again. Again, I don’t believe she is there so what is the purpose of visiting the gravesite…? However, for the past few months, I’ve had a nagging feeling urging me to go and visit my mother’s gravesite. I shared my feeling with my husband, Bill, but again I reminded him that I don’t believe in visiting the gravesites of the deceased because they are not there…  But today, Bill, suggested we take a ride to the cemetery to visit my mother’s grave. I agreed, and off we went.

Before my parents died, they made arrangements for all their cemetery needs, from the gravesite to the grave markers, and everything was pre-paid in full. When my father died there was no problem getting his grave marker installed in a timely manner. His name and proper dates were all correctly installed on his grave marker, and there was a blank space at the bottom of his grave marker where my mother’s name and dates were to be installed…

 

When my mother died on 3/10/2016, and we met with the folks at the cemetery office, they assured us that everything was in order, and pre-paid, for my mother’s information to be installed in her space of the grave marker she would share with my father. They were both buried in the same grave as a double-decker type of grave…

Well, imagine my surprise when we arrived at the gravesite of my parents, and my mother’s information was not on the grave marker, three years after she has been dead!

 

You can see the holes in the stone where the information marker is to be placed, but no marker is there. So off we go to the office to find out what happened. Why was my mother’s information not on her gravesite stone?

After talking to the “family service counselor” on duty and explaining that my mother has been dead almost three years, and there is still no name or dates on her gravesite stone, and that all of that was pre-paid and was supposed to have been taken care of within weeks after she died… we were asked to wait in a room while the “family service counselor” went to speak with her manager. A short while later the manager came into the room and tried to tell me that the gravesite marker had never been ordered and had not been paid for. By now I’m doing all I can to try to keep some zen in my voice as I explain to him that everything had been pre-paid, and I was witness to when my parents paid for everything. I told him I could go home and get my papers (I never thought I would need to take them with me today because I never thought in my wildest dreams that her gravesite marker wouldn’t have been installed). I described the man that we met with, and the manager told us that man was no longer employed there, and there was a reason why he was no longer employed there. I continued to insist that the gravesite marker for my mother had been paid for, and at that point the manager said he was going to go back and reread the original contract and excused himself from the room. When he came back, he looked at me and asked if I’m a patient person? I mustered up a smile and said yes, but I wanted to scream I can be, but your making it very difficult!!! Then the manager said he found in the original contract where everything was pre-paid and it was their mistake and he just couldn’t be more sorry…

The manager showed us on the paperwork where the person (that was no longer working at the cemetery office) wrote on the paperwork when we met with him the day after my mother died which was 3/11/2016, “pre-paid final date (shown in the middle of the next photo. The manager said perhaps he was waiting for the final date to put on the gravesite marker.. Well I might not be the sharpest tool in the toolbox, but I know that the final date would be the date of death which for my mother was 3/10/2016, which is also listed on the paperwork. So instead of anyone picking up the phone to call and clarify, they just did nothing, and so my mother’s gravesite has gone unmarked for three years and counting… Had Bill and I not gone to visit the gravesite today, her gravesite might have stayed unmarked forever!

After a lame attempt to try to explain what might have happened, the manager looked at me, and most likely saw I was not buying any of it so he finally said “there is no excuse, this is entirely our fault, and we are going to order the gravesite marker with your mother’s information today. We will email you the proof for you to approve, and we will install it as soon as it comes back to us. He even offered to give us a memorial inscription free. I told him I wasn’t looking for anything free, I just wanted them to make her gravesite marker as we agreed upon in the first place which was to have her name, date of birth, date of death, and a cross to match my father’s marker.

So now we wait… it can take a couple of weeks to get the proof to approve, then 8-10 weeks to get the gravesite marker back and installed on her grave. That will put Bill and I into our time to leave Arizona, and make our way to South Dakota. So, because I have been reminded yet again that we have to follow-up on everything, and leave nothing to chance ,and hope good, quality, customer service will prevail… I asked them to take a picture of the gravesite marker when it is installed on my mother’s grave, and email it to me so I know it actually got properly installed this time.

When we left the cemetery, it was lunch time so we went to one of our favorite places, to get great, fast, food, Pei Wei. The next photo shows what my fortune cookie said…

 

I guess we will just have to wait and see…

Stay Tuned!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ellen Kaufman
    Feb 06, 2019 @ 13:27:16

    Omg!!! What an ordeal……to have it happen to your Mom’s grave. I can just hear her now talking about it. Thank God she was nudging you in God’s way to go back and visit the grave. Funny how things happen. You can never depend on anything or anyone. Even when you die. While it’s true about not being there. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
    Love you two, keep enjoying yourselves and miss your photo of sunrises and sunsets. But know you’re having the time of your life and making memories for both of you❤️🙏🏻✝️🥰🥰

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Feb 07, 2019 @ 12:29:10

      Yes Aunt Ellen, it was a shock to find out three years after mom died, that her grave still didn’t have her grave marker installed. But it is in the works now, so it will all be good again soon. Bill and I continue to enjoy ourselves. Everyday brings something new and exciting to see and do… Love and hugs to you and yours. XoXo

      Reply

  2. Robin
    Feb 07, 2019 @ 13:08:07

    The incompetence is EVERYWHERE. And you just proved EVERYWHERE. Nothing surprises me at all…and you are so correct…you have to follow up on EVERYTHING. And document EVERYTHING. But I do love the fortune, I bet that was a good laugh to end on! And you’re a smart cookie to have them send you a photo! Missing you already! xoxo LOVE YOU!

    Reply

    • beyondcinderella
      Feb 07, 2019 @ 20:09:20

      You are so right. Incompetence is EVERYWHERE! When Bro and I were sitting in the offie of the cemetery trying to get this whole mess corrected, I kept thinking about something you told me one of your bosses told you and you never forgot his words which were “inspect what you expect”. I guess we all need to keep that in mind… Yes, bro and I did have a good laugh over the fortune in the fortune cookie… Love and hugs and safe travels soon. XoXo

      Reply

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